Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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