yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
