Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
