your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
