I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
