He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
