I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
