If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
