Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
