O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
