Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
