Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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