Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize