put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
