just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
