But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
