I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
