Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
