saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
