Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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