we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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