she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
