how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
