Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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