like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
