Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
how drunk are you?
Several
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
