he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
