Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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