Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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