there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You know, be my cock's hype man.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
