Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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