I cannot find my penis.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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