ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
