ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
