Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
