Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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