Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize