I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
