Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My vagina is officially offended.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
