I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
