"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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