I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
