I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Found your dick twin last night
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
