Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
