I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
