Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
a search helicopter?!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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