Plan B is the new Plan A
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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