Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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