you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
