Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
