so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
