im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
