On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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