I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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