I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
