just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
