Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize