I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
