did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
