Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
