is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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