Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
