All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
