I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
