Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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