smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
