my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
