I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
