right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
