everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
