Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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