I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
