The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
