That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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