not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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