I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
