I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
