he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
