the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
