Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Randomize
