I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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