when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize