i need an iv and a liver transplant
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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