"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
