So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
