Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
