pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
