I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
