office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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