I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
