tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
