From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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