I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
