I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
