dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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