I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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