I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
