we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
