So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
