we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
