You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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